What I Know Now About Marriage

This weekend my husband and I celebrated our fourth anniversary, and it got me thinking about our wedding ceremony and intimate relationships in general. Many of these things also apply to our head and heart relationships with ourselves.

So here goes:

What I know now, in my second marriage with almost 23 years of cumulative “marriage” experience, is this:

Marriage is so much more than the event of the wedding.

It is two people coming together for a common purpose.

It is loving and liking each other–even when times are tough.

It’s choosing each other daily and being committed to your team of two.

It’s growing together and pushing each other to be the best versions of yourselves.

It’s holding each other’s hand for support and bringing them saltines and a barf bag when needed.

It’s showing interest in their hobbies and work and being willing to try new things together.

It’s encouraging and celebrating small and large victories and loving each other’s children as much as you love your own.

It’s honoring the role of your partner’s family, even when they’re not acting in a way that is easy to love.

It’s helping each other pause before reacting and reacting enthusiastically when the other is excited.

It’s being willing to be flexible when you have different needs and desires.

It’s checking in with each other on things that impact your time, money, and resources.

It’s acknowledging and appreciating the unique gifts and experiences you bring to each other’s lives.

It’s being willing to work on the areas of conflict and have those unpleasant discussions when needed.

With the right person, it can be the most joyful, amazing, fulfilling partnership with love, laughter, peace, and serenity at the core.

During the “locked down” part of the pandemic, we felt fortunate that being together 24/7 didn’t negatively affect our relationship or feelings toward each other. We chose to be intentional about continually strengthening our connection. That investment into this cherished partnership is worth more than anything money could buy.

Knowing yourself, and being comfortable with that person, is a great way to set yourself up for relationship success, whether or not you’re currently in one.

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