Reflecting on Gratitude

Each fall, as my Instagram feed fills with #30daysofgratitude challenges, I find myself reflecting more deeply on what I am grateful for. Although I don’t document my daily thoughts, being grateful is an intrinsic part of who I am. It streams through my mind like the blood that flows through my veins. It permeates my very being, just like 43 years of having diabetes does.

November is also National Diabetes Awareness Month. (Isn’t it ironic that this month follows Halloween, the national day of distributing and gorging on sugary treats?) Each year, diabetes-related organizations encourage me to share my diabetes journey to help others understand the disease. I could detail its challenges: the variables in the effects of various foods on blood sugar, the cost of medication and supplies, the mental impact of the dozens of extra decisions diabetics have to make each day, and device alarms going off at all hours. But this is just part of living with Type 1 diabetes. I wouldn’t know how to exist without these factors, even if I could.

Usually, I try to find meaning and growth from challenges, asking what I can learn and how I can grow. But, unlike my experiences with special needs parenting and codependency recovery, I don’t see a positive impact or greater meaning with diabetes. It hasn’t made me a better person or provided valuable insight. And it just doesn’t inspire a sense of purpose for me. While I am constantly striving to manage it more effectively, the 24/7 vigilance can be more of an emotional liability for my Type A personality than an asset.

Don’t get me wrong. If there were some cosmic doling out of diseases, I would much rather have diabetes than, say, cancer or alcoholism. I can live a vibrant life with diabetes, and it’s totally manageable. But I’m still looking for something that will allow me to feel grateful for this area of my life, too.

Wishing you profound gratitude and growth this year.