Living With Purpose
A few weeks ago, I shared this post, and I want to speak to the “why.”
Today my husband Tom is celebrating seven years of sobriety. On his first sober birthday, he invited me to “give him a cake” at an AA meeting. I had no idea what to expect as I imagined AA as a mysterious society, one I never had a reason to join. Seven years later, I now know the tremendous value it brings to our lives and millions of others around the world, and I am grateful for its principles and traditions.
When we first started dating, he was newly sober for the umpteenth time. Occasionally I’d see photos from his past which reflected the incomprehensible demoralization in his eyes. It was hard to reconcile the person I was dating with the person in those images.
People would ask what he “did,” and I responded that he washed windows, which raised more than one eyebrow. Some would say that he’s underemployed as a UCSB graduate with a degree in political science. Then, I realized how unimportant the answer to the question really was.
Seven years later, my answer is crystal clear. He doesn’t “do” anything. He is *called.* His primary purpose in life is to help other alcoholics. He is fully committed to staying sober and serving others in their journey. And he sometimes washes windows on the side.
I’ve witnessed the miracle of the broken pieces being woven back together in a beautiful mosaic and have nothing but extraordinary gratitude for the life we live together. His life, and now our lives together, are fully anchored in this commitment to growing ourselves and helping others. I am proud of the work he does every day to improve and deepen his connection to his higher power and others still suffering.
On the surface, this day was an opportunity to celebrate an important milestone (with his permission). But on a deeper level, I share about that experience, and others, like parenting a special needs child, working through the challenges of a teen using drugs, living with an active alcoholic, and struggling with perfectionist and controlling behaviors, to help others.
Let me give you an example. I received a call this week from a colleague. As the conversation unfolded, she explained that she saw that post on Instagram and wondered if she could ask me, or my husband, some questions. Her loved one had an issue with alcohol and needed to detox. We talked for a while, and she was so grateful. She felt she had enough information to move forward when we ended the call. I told her it was my privilege to be there for her, and I was glad she reached out.
I told her this is our purpose–to live authentically and transparently so that when people are going through something that we might be able to encourage and support them through, we do it. My social media posts and the book are the seeds planted along the way. This way, people know some of the challenges we’ve walked through and can reach out as needed. It’s an honor and a blessing to be able to help.
