A Practicum Note, a Skateboarder Mayor, and a Quiet Pat on the Back

Three Unexpected Gifts That Landed Exactly When I Needed Them Today I received three gifts:a disappointing practicum email,excellent storytelling from a former pro skateboarder–turned–mayor,and a perfectly timed note from James Clear. They may sound like strange gifts, but together they reflect how far I’ve come. A Revision Request and a Different Reaction This morning, I…

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45 Years and Counting

My disease does not define my worth at Valerie Cantella at ValerieCantella.com

1980. My plans for a fantastic summer vacation were derailed after my annual physical when I ended up sharing a hospital room with an 11-month-old baby in a full-body cast. Instead of kicking off my attempt to win the library’s summer reading program by reading the most books, I spent a week in the hospital…

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How the Story Unfolds: Chapter One

Chapter 1: Don't judge my story by the chapter you walked in on by Valerie Cantella at ValerieCantella.com

Angry storm clouds, pregnant with rain, screamed with lightning as I gripped the seat handles and stared out the window of the plane, willing this trip to Montana to be over. The dark, tumultuous sky seemed to mirror our family’s last two and a half months. I gazed at my thirteen-year-old daughter, Katie, as she…

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How Writing Helps Me Hold What’s Hard

Valerie Cantella with her daughter Katie outside at valeriecantella.com

For almost 25 years, I’ve been writing about the girl who would become my daughter—trying to make sense of a parenting journey that has looked nothing like the one I once imagined. From the posts I sent to listservs during our Russian adoption process (back when the internet was barely finding its legs), to my…

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The Value of Connection

Valerie Cantella, memoir book coach, in a forest of fall leaves at ValerieCantella.com

I spent last Saturday in three completely different rooms with three completely different groups of people—and somehow, every one of them was teaching me the same thing. We are starving for connection. Not the digital kind, not the “hope you’re doing well” kind—the real, in-the-room, eye-contact, shoulder-to-shoulder kind we forgot how much we needed during…

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My Grief Is No Less Because You Think It Should Be

My grief is no less because you think it should be by Valerie Cantella

I didn’t ask “why” much as a child. Perhaps it was my “good girl” nature that made asking why feel like a challenge to the person being questioned, and that felt uncomfortable. So instead, I read books, dictionary entries, and encyclopedias for answers to my whys. Those days are behind me, and I’ve started asking…

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Is Your Gingerbread House Crumbling?

In this season between Thanksgiving and the New Year, we have many opportunities to gather, celebrate, spend, indulge—and overindulge! I’m usually all in starting the Friday after Thanksgiving, but this year, I haven’t felt that way, and I’m curious about that. (It could be the warm weather we’re having, which is more suited to sand…

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Reflecting on Gratitude

Each fall, as my Instagram feed fills with #30daysofgratitude challenges, I find myself reflecting more deeply on what I am grateful for. Although I don’t document my daily thoughts, being grateful is an intrinsic part of who I am. It streams through my mind like the blood that flows through my veins. It permeates my…

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People-Pleasing and the Art of Friendship

Today (August 6) is National Friendship Day, so it seems appropriate to post what I’m learning about myself in adult friendships. Enjoy! I never saw myself as a people pleaser until I lost a long-time friendship and had to consider the path that led to its demise. Instagrammer Hailey Page Magee (@haileypaigemagee) shared these people-pleasing…

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Motherhood Isn’t A Position You Can Resign From

Crying child sitting on mother's lap with brother ValerieCantella.com

May is mental health month and I’m thrilled to be seeing such a targeted focus on raising awareness and reducing the stigma around mental illness. I’m trying to do my part to add my voice in a productive way and am grateful to the Independent for sharing this article. Surviving Motherhood: Motherhood Isn’t A Position…

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