Posts by Valerie Cantella

The proximity problem is real. You can’t see the architecture from inside the material. A story and a book are not the same thing. A story is what happened to you — the events, the sequence, the actual details. A book is different. A memoir is organized around a specific theme and an undeniable change:…

How a Candle Shop Illuminated Me Why I Do This Work You’re here because you have a lot of material and no table of contents. You know something is in there, but you just can’t see its shape from where you’re standing. So let me tell you about a birthday, my college roommate, and a…

My husband is wearing a continuous glucose monitor right now, not because he’s diabetic or even pre-diabetic, but because he’s working on improving his health. This data will give him information to make decisions. I’ve been watching him navigate it with the fascination of someone who has been doing this for forty-six years. He’s smart,…

The Voice Underneath “Before you write a memoir, there is often a question underneath the writing: Does my story matter enough to tell?” Steven Pressfield calls it “resistance” (The War of Art). That force that whispers you’re not ready, not talented enough, and definitely not the kind of person who writes books. That you should…

Hello! If you’re thinking, “Dear Kate? Wait… who’s Kate?” — fair question. Don’t worry, you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. There’s a fun little origin story behind the name, and I can’t wait to let you in on it.​ ​ The Story Behind “Dear Kate” Kate was the wife of a former (and favorite!)…

Don’t join the comparison Olympics team. There’s a belief most women carry when they think about writing their story. It has to be big. Dramatic. Resolved with a neat redemption arc that feels Hallmark complete. Then they think: Mine isn’t any of those things. So maybe I don’t have a story to tell. Or even…

Freshman year, 1985. San Marcos High School newspaper. That’s me in the polka dots, interviewing President Reagan’s press secretary, Larry Speakes. I was terrified. It was the nicest outfit I could pull together at the moment, and maybe it matched exactly how unprepared I felt. Fourteen years old, holding a tape recorder and a notebook,…

On the cost of moving fast before you’ve decided anything Isn’t it interesting how many appeals to potential writers rush you? It starts before you even open a document. “Just write a bad first draft.” “Don’t overthink it, just start.” “You’re thinking too much — you need to do.” Forward motion matters in most things…

I had been writing for years before I wrote the book. Personal journals. The Katie blog, which I’d been writing publicly for almost 25 years. But that was a carefully edited version of the story — the portion I could share without exposing too much. I was protecting everyone (the facade was alive and well),…