Posts by Valerie Cantella
What Are You Actually Afraid Of?
I’ve been thinking about fear a lot lately. My own, mostly. The kind that shows up when you’re doing something new — stepping into work that feels bigger, or different, or more visible than what you’ve done before. The kind that keeps asking: what if this doesn’t work? And I’ve been sitting with that question long…
Read MoreWhat I wish someone had said to me before I began
I had been writing for years before I wrote the book. Personal journals. The Katie blog, which I’d been writing publicly for almost 25 years. But that was a carefully edited version of the story — the portion I could share without exposing too much. I was protecting everyone (the facade was alive and well),…
Read MoreDon’t Outsource the Wrong Thing
When I opened my inbox this morning, I deleted five emails after reading the first paragraph because they were clearly AI-generated. And while I’m a fan of outsourcing many tasks to AI, I cannot support “writing” major components of your story through Chat, Claude, or Gemini. As a reader, I deserve more, and as a…
Read MoreThe fear underneath the fear
Last time I told you about the woman who had been carrying her story for years and couldn’t make herself begin. The woman who’d told it privately but couldn’t go public with it. That woman was me, six years ago. And what I said was: I eventually figured out that what I was afraid of…
Read MoreWhen the Packing List is On Point, but the Universe Has Other Plans
I just got back from an epic trip to Central Europe with my husband, including a Danube River Cruise from Budapest to Prague — and I packed a carry-on. That’s it. I am a minimalist packer by conviction and also by stubbornness. I know what I need. I know what I’ll actually wear. And I…
Read MoreShe’s been ready for years. She just hasn’t started.
Six years ago, there was a woman who had already written the hardest parts of her story in her head. Probably a thousand times. She knew exactly which moments carried the most weight and which ones she’d have to find a way to write around. She just couldn’t make herself out there where other people…
Read MoreThe Real Reason Writing Your Story Feels Hard
Yesterday on Substack, someone asked if “pantser vs. plotter” was basically the Enneagram for writers. Note: That’s nerdy writer-speak for: do you plan, or do you write by the seat of your pants? So I had to follow that thread to think about the real reason writing your story feels hard, especially for memoir writers. Naturally,…
Read MoreThe Part of You They’re Allowed to See
Portrait mode: on You know that photo someone else takes of you at a party, the one taken with no warning, a bad angle, and zero filter? Contrast that with the one you took yourself with the right light and 37 retakes? Perfectionism is the gap between those two photos. We don’t hate being seen.…
Read MoreLiving with Purpose
Why Sharing Our Stories Matters If you’ve ever wondered whether sharing your story is worth it — whether anyone will care, whether it’s too messy, too personal, or too much — this post is for you. I’m resharing something I wrote in April 2022 that articulates exactly why I believe so deeply in the power…
Read MoreFor a long time, I treated “someday” as a plan
On perfectionism, timing, and what helped me begin Six years ago, I was stuck in a loop that will probably sound familiar to anyone who tends toward perfectionism. Should I write a book? Not can I write one. I knew I could put words on a page. The question was heavier than that. Was I the right…
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