Posts by Valerie Cantella
The Part of You They’re Allowed to See
Portrait mode: on You know that photo someone else takes of you at a party, the one taken with no warning, a bad angle, and zero filter? Contrast that with the one you took yourself with the right light and 37 retakes? Perfectionism is the gap between those two photos. We don’t hate being seen.…
Read MoreLiving with Purpose
Why Sharing Our Stories Matters If you’ve ever wondered whether sharing your story is worth it — whether anyone will care, whether it’s too messy, too personal, or too much — this post is for you. I’m resharing something I wrote in April 2022 that articulates exactly why I believe so deeply in the power…
Read MoreFor a long time, I treated “someday” as a plan
On perfectionism, timing, and what helped me begin Six years ago, I was stuck in a loop that will probably sound familiar to anyone who tends toward perfectionism. Should I write a book? Not can I write one. I knew I could put words on a page. The question was heavier than that. Was I the right…
Read MoreYou may not be writing it yet, but you’re already in it
For the woman with notes, questions, and a story she has not said out loud yet Most women I know, especially women around my age, are carrying big questions. Have I made good decisions? Are my kids going to be okay? How do I care for my aging parents? What do I want this next…
Read MoreWhat Happens After the Life You Planned Isn’t the Life You’re Living
A reflection on midlife disorientation, the fear of telling the truth, and why the story you hesitate to name may be the one that helps you make sense of your life. At some point, a lot of women look up and realize the life in front of them is not the one they thought they…
Read MoreWhen Perfectionism Puts On A Blazer
I don’t know if you feel this way when you create, but I tend to do one of two things: I either get it out fast (a nod to my years as a public information officer and emergency management communicator), or I get stuck in creative revision. Now that I’m out of public service and…
Read MoreIf You Feel Behind, Read This
One feeling keeps coming up for so many women I know, and I’ve felt it myself: behind. Not behind in a dramatic way. Behind in the circumspect, capable-woman way. Behind on the timeline. Behind on what life is “supposed” to look like by now. The Script I Was Following For years, I tried to do…
Read MoreThis Is Not for Everyone (and That’s Okay)
I’m not AI-generated. My hair is gray and curly. My eyes need correction, and my wrinkles are becoming more prominent. I know who I am, what I need to do most days, and—just as importantly—what I don’t know yet. I try not to imply expertise where I don’t have it. I speak in the same…
Read MoreNot Everything Has to Be New
On familiar routines, losing your way, and remembering how to come home A few weeks ago, I took my dog on a walk, like I do every morning. Same leash. Same gate. Same loop around the dirt path while she sniffs, wanders, and does her very important dog business. When we were up at this…
Read MoreI learned something awesome (and I want to share it with you)
Since I wrote about the question I’m taking into 2026—How can this be easy?—I’ve been testing it in one specific area where “easy” feels… suspicious: writing. Because if you’re anything like me, you don’t mind doing hard things. You just don’t want to make it harder than it needs to be. Here’s what I learned:…
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